In this Q&A, Dr. Perry illustrates how catalyzing certain conversations unlocks the collaboration we need to meet the moment.
Hope was the last emotion I expected to feel after doing interviews about trauma. Yet, my conversations with Dr. Bruce Perry about What Happened to You?, the book he coauthored with Oprah Winfrey, continually reinvigorate it. I strive to be optimistic. Still, global tragedies often leave me wondering how to heal a broken world. Fortunately, Dr. Perry, principal of the Neurosequential Network, has a solution, and it’s simpler than you might think: Be present in your relationships.
“If we moved from a state of relational poverty to relational wealth— meaning we had more relational interaction, and thus a more regulated population—we’d have access to millions more units of cognitive power. There would be a quantum leap in creativity and invention. It would revolutionize the planet.”
How do we build relational wealth? By becoming curious about the experiences that shaped the people in our communities and organizations. Here, he illustrates how catalyzing these conversations unlocks the collaboration we need to meet the moment.
Fast Company: What does it actually look like to invite and support someone to be their whole self?
Bruce Perry: It takes courage and intimacy to share your personal narrative. This process is interesting because as you share details about yourself, your brain’s relational monitoring apparatus is studying how they’re being perceived. As soon as you sense that someone is disengaged, you stop sharing that part of yourself. The things we listen and respond to joyfully tend to be what resonates with us. So, our impression of someone ends up being just as much a reflection of us as it is of them.
Imagine somebody’s life is a canvas. If you fill in every piece of that canvas, you have a high definition understanding of that person. But, if you don’t look at the upper right-hand corner, those pixels never get filled in. It takes a very secure person to let someone’s full story unfold. When you can listen to topics that make you feel anxious or uninterested, you can come to know a person more completely.
